Welcome to my first blog post! When I signed up with WordPress a few weeks ago, mine was blog # 350k+. Several thousand have been created since while I angsted over which template to use, because I was overwhelmed by choices and widgets.
A good friend and fellow writer has been encouraging me to publish a blog. When I told him I was afraid to, he referenced a line from the dialogue and song, “Being Alive” from COMPANY:
“Hey, buddy, don’t be afraid it won’t be perfect. The only thing to be afraid of really is that it won’t be.”
And then he wrote to me:
“It doesn’t have to be perfect; it just has to be.”
I’ve been a writer for as long as I can remember, but facing each new blank page/project/story comes with a mishmash of feelings: daunting and exhilerating come to mind. Why should starting a new blog be any different? What if someone reads this? What if no one reads this? Is it too long? My next post will be shorter.
I’ve been writing a parenting column for Sesame Family Newsletter from Sesame Workshop for three years. I’ve gotten to write about many topics as my son Max has grown from wobbly toddler, to the fast runner he is now (approaching age five). Articles like Terrific Twos, Overcoming Fears, Bullying Behavior and more (which I will repost here periodically). I learned a lot. About Max, writing, and life.
In this blog, I’m going to write more about living and learning with Max. Parenting is such a wacky ride. It’s ups and downs and one day at a time and a never-ending process of letting go. It’s exhausting and funny; the hardest work, the best work. A blur. If I had to name my parenting style, I’d call it “The Whatever Works Program.” It’s about love. I love Max and being his mom. I love writing. Writing about what I know and love seems like a good place to start.
Every day, we start over. Every day, there are beginnings and endings and transitions that I need to help Max cope with. I need to show him how to say goodbye and give him the feeling he can do it. I need to separate from him, and he from me, so we can both continue to learn and grow. Each of us at our own pace, in our own spaces. And it’s about being together, laughing, crying and everything in between. There’s a lot going in the world that angers and scares me. But I want Max to be able to go out into the world unafraid. Or at least, prepared.
I want to use this blog to share and connect with others. When I discover a great experience/ product / blog/ book / place we love, I’ll share that, too. We’ll laugh, we’ll cry. It’ll be whatever it turns out to be. It won’t be perfect. But sometimes I might write about things that feel perfect to me, like when Max holds my hand in a thunderstorm, and I have the power to comfort him, “Everything’s going to be OK.” And he believes me.
Today, Max didn’t want to go to camp. He resisted mightily all morning, and cried when I left (after begging me), “One more hug and kiss, Mommy, please!” I knew he’d be OK (within moments of me leaving), but I had tears in my eyes that fell after I was out of his sight. He’s still learning how to say goodbye (some days are harder than others). I know when I pick him up soon, that he’ll either run over to me and scream happily, “Mommy!” or he’ll be all mommy-who, ignore me, and not want to leave because he’s having too much fun at camp. Then he’ll pitch a fit in the car and wail, “I want the day to last forever!” Chocolate snacks and snuggles will come in handy. For both of us.
I’m teaching Max that while things end, there’s always something new around the corner. Every day is a chance to start over. Or continue. And sometimes it’s just time to go to sleep. One favorite book of ours is The North Star by Peter H. Reynolds. It ends with the words, “The Beginning.”
I’m still a bit squeamish about starting a blog, but I’m doing it anyway. My goal for today was to write and publish this without judging myself as to whether it’s good or not. It just is. Because I need to continue to overcome my own fears, so I can continue to show Max how to overcome his. I have to walk the walk.
Being afraid and overcoming fears is easier when you’re not alone. That’s what I tell Max, anyway. So far, it seems to be true. Life’s next adventure is right around the corner. I hope you’ll join me. Maybe I’ll figure out the widgets thing, too.
Thanks for stopping by and reading. I’d love to hear from you.